Meeting 2 — “O Lord God, what good is a reward to me?”

Tags: Desires, Discernment, God’s will, Hope, Text work, Sharing questions, Formative

Goal of the meeting + introduction for the facilitator

The goal of the meeting is to become convinced that my desires are important and I do not have to hide them from anyone. We want to see in Abram’s attitude, who says to God with resentment “O Lord God, what good is a reward to me?”, something good and beautiful, because true. Our desires tell us a lot about ourselves. They are important for others, important for God. The meeting requires you to find your own experiences in this topic and the conviction that faith is alive when we do not try to pretend in prayer to be different than we are outside of it - in this way you lead your group to the content of the Sunday meeting. A strong line is constituted by the story of Abram - do not skip fragments from the Book of Genesis. The outline has many sharing questions and this character also gives the tone to the whole meeting.

Note

If 7 people participate in the meeting with the facilitator, it means that trying to implement the outline cover to cover will contain 210 statements of people. Assuming that each lasts a minute, it will be twice the time for the meeting. Approach this reasonably!

Introduction

Abram decided to leave his land and wander. Sometimes we reduce choice to one, short act - as if life were mathematics or a computer program in which things do not change. St. Augustine will say, however, that “Having chosen once, I must constantly choose”. Life is a series of choices, and each choice will give birth to subsequent ones. It is no different with Abram. He stands with Lot before the choice whether to go together or separate. When they choose to go separately, they have to choose who goes where…

Let’s read:

Is not the whole land before you? Separate yourself from me. If you take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if you take the right hand, then I will go to the left.

—Gen 13:9

• In what matters do you experience God’s closeness strongly? How do you react to it?

• Do you believe that God blesses your decisions?

We discussed this passage during the conference. Such certainty and trust in God commands admiration. On the other hand, we do not always experience it like this. Faith has in it the joy of closeness but also the experience of difficulties and God’s silence.

Consolations and desolations

The question is whether it comes out like this “by accident”, or because “we are clumsy” or because it should be so. We can have different private opinions on this subject and discuss until dawn. Let’s try to look into the Holy Scripture:

Let’s read:

The Lord is my shepherd,

I shall not want;

he makes me lie down

in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters;

he restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness

for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil; for thou art with me;

thy rod and thy staff,

they comfort me.

—Psalm 23:1-4

• What is the valley of the shadow of death?

• God leads in “paths of righteousness”, but despite this, immediately in the next line there is talk of the “valley of the shadow of death”. What does such a juxtaposition in the psalm suggest?

The valley of the shadow of death can be part of the Lord’s way. Moreover, it can be the right path. Reflexively, often when we experience it, we attribute it to someone’s fault (ours - because we pray too little, Satan’s - because he wants to attack us). Of course, it can be so. However, the valley of the shadow of death can simply be a dark valley - a less cheerful place through which we want to pass. The important thing is that with our Shepherd.

Let’s read:

Seek the Lord while he may be found, call upon him while he is near!

—Isa 55:6

• If He allows, does it mean that sometimes He does not allow?

• God wants to be “near and far”, wants to “speak and be silent” - how do you understand this?

The time of consolation and the time of desolation (as St. Ignatius of Loyola calls them) is something natural in faith. Faith is not and cannot be a streak of joyful elations and dancing in honor of God. The time of desolations and consolations come and go like waves (sine wave). St. Ignatius of Loyola in point 322 of the Spiritual Exercises writes about desolations like this:

It is for three principal reasons that we find ourselves desolate.

The first is because we are tepid, slothful, or negligent in our spiritual exercises; and so through our faults spiritual consolation withdraws from us.

The second, to try us and see how much we are and how much we extend ourselves in His service and praise without such payment of consolations and great graces.

The third, to give us true acquaintance and knowledge, that we may interiorly feel that it is not ours to get or keep great devotion, intense love, tears, or any other spiritual consolation, but that all is the gift and grace of God our Lord, and that we may not build a nest in a thing not ours, raising our intellect into some pride or vainglory, attributing to ourselves devotion or the other things of the spiritual consolation.

One could simplify the second and third reason: God with His silence also wants to tell us something.

• Are there matters in which God seems to be silent? How do you react to this?

• Which of the three reasons of St. Ignatius seems to take place in your life most often, and which rarest? Why?

• Can you determine what state you are in now?

• On what basis do you assess at what stage you are?

The cry of desire

Warning

key place of the meeting

Abram standing at the crossroads convinced of God’s blessing going after him definitely experiences consolation. Is there also desolation in him?

Let’s read:

After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, “Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great.” But Abram said, “O Lord God, what will you give me, for I continue childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?” And Abram said, “Behold, you have given me no offspring; and a slave born in my house will be my heir.”

—Gen 15:1-3

Abram receives assurance of a “very great reward”. Normally when we hear such news there is joy in us, a spontaneous cry of joy. Abram’s tone is different - he answers dryly, maybe with slight reproach. The vision of a great reward is secondary to him - he uses the opportunity to demand the promise given to him. Such texts are read “simply”. Let’s think about it a while longer:

• If such a situation took place between people, that someone hands someone an expensive gift, and the recipient instead of thanking reproaches the lack of another gift - how would we assess this?

• Abram does not “mince words” in his grievance - what does this testify to?

Abram feels so close with God that he “allows himself” to express his feelings without filtering them through what is “appropriate” and what is not. He allows what lies at the bottom of his heart to speak through him.

Note

For information: We will consider a similar thought tomorrow, but in a different version - positive. Being on familiar terms with God is not only the ability to be angry with him, but it is also Sarah’s laughter at His words.

• What is the desire to have a descendant for Abram?

• What is the transfer of inheritance to the servant proposed by Abram?

Transferring the inheritance to the servant is an expression of lack of faith that he will have a son. Abram wants to make a decision, wants to know where he stands, organize the reality around him. Abram tells God: I am starting to arrange my life assuming that I will not satisfy this desire of the heart.

Let’s read:

Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.

—Gen 12:1-2

• When does this fragment take place relative to Abram’s reproach about the lack of a descendant? (earlier)

Abram knew the promise given by God. However, this did not prevent him from “screaming out” to God that he is waiting for it, and even fears that it will not be fulfilled.

• Is there a temptation in me to pretend before God in desolation that everything is ok? Where does it come from?

• Have you ever told God what lies at the bottom of your heart? What is difficult about this?

Abram broke through, spontaneously turned to God with who he is and what he carried in himself. He did not think about whether God would reproach him “after all I do so much for you Abram!”. This is the best possible way to use the time of desolation. Desires can be whispered to God, can be screamed out - it is not worth keeping them in oneself.

My desires

Let’s read:

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

—St. Augustine

• What practical tip can you draw from this sentence for yourself here and now?

• Do you have this restlessness of heart in you? How do you recognize it?

Our ultimate desire is to know God face to face. This will be the place where we will find peace. What our path to this place will be is already a wildly more individual matter. Abram’s wandering is a time in which he could learn what is really important to him. He experienced a lot - he saw a distant land about which he had only heard before, he gathered immense wealth, surrounded himself with a loving family. Something, however, remained in him still unsatisfied - the desire to have a son.

Desolation moves us to set off - it is an experience of some lack that we want to satisfy. It gives us courage, makes us want change, and change is chances. St. Augustine sees our dynamic of faith precisely in this restlessness.

Wandering creates a space to find an answer to the question of what is important to me. A believing man is a searching man.

• Do I think about my desires at all? Am I aware of them?

• How often does someone ask you about your desires?

• How often do you ask someone about their desires?

Let’s read:

Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came up to him, with her sons, and kneeling before him she asked him for something. And he said to her, “What do you want?” She said to him, “Command that these two sons of mine may sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom.”

—Mt 20:20-21

• What did the mother of the sons of Zebedee ask for?

• Why do you think the Evangelist puts it in such a way?

The mother asked about trivial things. Jesus sees that this is not really what she means and asks the question straight out.

• What is the difference between a “whim” and a desire?

• How do you deal with distinguishing your desires from whims?

Jesus sees that often we do not know what to ask for, so He Himself pulls out of us what lies in the depths of the heart.

Let’s read:

When Jesus saw him and knew that he had been lying there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is troubled, and while I am going another steps down before me.”

—Jn 5:6-7

• What is the fundamental problem of this man?

• Why does Jesus ask him about something “obvious”?

• Has anyone ever reached into your deep desires? Who?

Your desires are important. They are important for God, they are important for the Church, they should be important for You and Your loved ones. But for them to be important in all these spaces, you must give a chance to know them. This means that you yourself should be able to name them.

Note

Facilitator, this is a place where we are waiting for your testimony, e.g. that the Church does not impose on you how you serve in it, but listens to your desires and allows you to discern according to them and your talents.

Let’s do a simple exercise individually together. Let’s take a piece of paper and divide it into 4 areas: God, Church, loved ones, myself. Let’s write down our own desires that are related to each of these areas. Let’s try to have at least one everywhere. I promise that we will not share what we wrote.

• Did you manage to enter a desire into each of the fields?

• Where was it easiest for you?

• Where was it most difficult for you?

• What does this exercise tell you about your desires?

• If you want - you can share your desire with the group

The promise — our reaction

Let’s read:

And behold, the word of the Lord came to him, “This man shall not be your heir; your own son shall be your heir.” And he brought him outside and said, “Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your descendants be.” And he believed the Lord; and he reckoned it to him as righteousness. And he said to him, “I am the Lord who brought you from Ur of the Chaldeans, to give you this land to possess.” But he said, “O Lord God, how am I to know that I shall possess it?”

—Gen 15:4-8

• How did God react to Abram’s words? What does this mean for you?

• How did Abram react to God’s words? What does this mean for you?

We read that “Abram believed”, but a moment later we see his question “How am I to know that I shall possess it?”. Abram is still himself! He believes that he will have a son, but he firmly wants to know what about the next agreement. He does not have an attitude of “it will be somehow” or “I don’t know what it’s about, but I’m going”. He treats God’s promise seriously so he wants to know what’s what.

• How do you recognize that you are on the road realizing your desires?

• Do you have experience of such concrete posing of questions to God?

Application

For many of us, such an attitude of posing concrete, life, pragmatic questions to God is constantly in the sphere of some “breaking through to them”. Maybe only Abram, who is a “flesh and blood guy”, had such an approach, but other biblical figures no longer had such courage?

Let’s read:

And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there will be no end.” And Mary said to the angel, “How shall this be, since I have no husband?” And the angel said to her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God.

—Lk 1:30-35

Let these questions “O Lord God, how am I to know that I shall possess it?” and “How shall this be, since I have no husband?” remain in our hearts after this meeting. Let them inspire us.

Two applications:

• Find one question of this type that you want to ask God here and now

• Name one moment in your life where this question was missing

Note

Facilitator prepare yourself to give a testimony about this here. Maybe you have experience in your life of moments in which you went in faith “by the force of inertia”. The author of this outline asked God for several weeks whether he should accept being a godfather and did not hear an answer. Everything changed when he asked God: “assuming I agree - how will you help me so that it is for Your glory?”.

Summary and application

Let’s read:

“The man who wishes to understand himself thoroughly — and not just in accordance with immediate, partial, often superficial, and even illusory standards and measures of his being — he must with his unrest, uncertainty and even his weakness and sinfulness, with his life and death, draw near to Christ. He must, so to speak, enter into him with all his own self, he must ‘appropriate’ and assimilate the whole of the reality of the Incarnation and Redemption in order to find himself. If this profound process takes place within him, he then bears fruit not only of adoration of God but also of deep wonder at himself. How precious must man be in the eyes of the Creator, if he ‘gained so great a Redeemer’,”

—Redemptor Hominis

At the evening prayer today there will be an opportunity for such turning to God. Let us pray for each other, so that we do not hide our unrest, uncertainty, weakness and sinfulness but tell Jesus directly about our desires.

Let the application from this meeting be writing down specific desires in a notebook.

At the end of the prayer the facilitator reads a fragment:

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me; when you seek me with all your heart.”

—Jer 29:11-13