Meeting 1 — "O God, my God, I seek You"
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.. tags:: content|seeking|Seeking, content|desires|Desires, content|hope|Hope, content|holy-spirit|Holy Spirit, method|text-work|Text work, method|sharing-questions|Sharing questions, type|integrative|Integrative

Goals of the meeting + introduction for the facilitator
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The Friday meeting is a direct response to the conference in which we spoke about stopping and reflecting on what our search for meaning looks like. This almost hour-long meeting is a little shorter than the others, but at the same time necessary to start the retreat and create fruitful cooperation within the group. We will try to develop the thought contained in the conference and look not so much at our search, as find its cause and reflect on the very role of knowing in our life. We will also try to see what our expectations are and what they look like. The sharing part cannot take up the entire meeting, so we propose only one or two suggestions. The application of this meeting will be a good entry into the evening prayer and the whole retreat.

This outline contains many elements that can be cited by the facilitator as an invitation to travel a common path. Let us prepare for this so that we ourselves can tell well about our experiences in relation to individual elements of the outline. This applies especially to the part concerning disappointment with oneself, God, faith. We must be credible. Let us confirm the content of this outline with our story.

Goals of the meeting:
    - Getting to know each other and bonding the small group community.
    - Looking at things we are looking for and those we have already discovered.
    - Reminding that the Holy Spirit helps us in searching for God.
    - Preparation for evening prayer.

Prayer and possible organizational matters
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.. note:: Let's pay attention that perhaps not for all participants such practice of meetings in a small group will be clear, so in case of need let's not forget to mark such basic issues as e.g. that we do not criticize and do not judge what someone says, that we share, and not answer according to a key, or that what we share stays between us.

We can start the meeting with **some form of integration**, which will immediately introduce us to the topic. We can introduce ourselves in such a way: "My name is... I deal with... Three things I expect are..."

Eternal desire
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With expectation, the desire to search will be inseparably linked. The Catechism of the Catholic Church begins in a very significant way: "The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for" (n. 27).

Let us reflect on how the desire for God is illustrated in our life.

Let's read:

    | O God, thou art my God, I seek thee,
    | my soul thirsts for thee;
    | my flesh faints for thee,
    | as in a dry and weary land where no water is.
    | So I have looked upon thee in the sanctuary,
    | beholding thy power and glory.
    |
    | -- Ps 63:1-2

* In what way do I perceive the longing for God in my life?

* If I could talk to God like a friend who returned from a long journey, what would I tell him?

* What "hunger" accompanies me most often in spiritual matters? (knowledge, truth, meaning?)

"Physical desire expresses desire for something, but so strong that we die if we are deprived of it". The words of St. Teresa of Avila from the "Way of Perfection" allow us to understand why desire and hunger, the first and most important experience of physical being, became a universal symbol of primarily spiritual desire and hunger (we say for example "hunger for knowledge").

In this place we can see how perfectly two worlds connect - physical and spiritual: in the morning I am hungry and thirsty, and from dawn my soul – says the Psalmist – is torn by the desire for God, the source of my inner life. Therefore he feels like dry land, whose cracks are like open throats and mouths sighing for life-giving water.

    “Waiting without action is a parody of hope”

    -- unknown author

We often overuse the word "hope" to describe a reality completely unrelated to hope - these are sometimes rather pious wishes, senseless expectations. We would like the reality around us to change, improve. However, we rarely assume that it will require our activity. Our health will not improve if we do not start taking care of ourselves. Our relationship with God will not take on a new dimension if we do not start striving for this relationship.

It should be emphasized that the desire for change either involves activity and change of reality, or will forever remain in the sphere of dreams and unfulfilled desires.

Desire - searching - activity
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Activity that will be the result of searching for God sooner or later will lead us to a moment in which we will be disappointed with reality. Disappointment is an effect we achieve when our expectations are painfully verified.

It is worth emphasizing at this moment that disappointment will be a mandatory element on the path to truth. On the path of our relationship with God disappointments will happen to us. Let us try to use them to better know both God and ourselves.

At the beginning let's look at the word "disappointment" itself. Is it not interesting? It means nothing less than deprivation of charm, magic.

Let's read:

    That very day two of them were going to a village named Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem, and talking with each other about all these things that had happened. While they were talking and discussing together, Jesus himself drew near and went with them. But their eyes were kept from recognizing him. And he said to them, “What is this conversation which you are holding with each other as you walk?” And they stood still, looking sad. Then one of them, named Cleopas, answered him, “Are you the only visitor to Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?” And he said to them, “What things?” And they said to him, “Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, who was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people, and how our chief priests and rulers delivered him up to be condemned to death, and crucified him. But we had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel. Yes, and besides all this, it is now the third day since this happened.

    -- Lk 24:13-21

* What do I experience in the moment of disappointment?

* Am I more often disappointed with myself or with God?

* The disciples were going to Emmaus on the same day that the women and other disciples went to the tomb. What does this fragment tell us?

The road to Emmaus is a symbol of our path of faith: Holy Scripture and the Eucharist are necessary elements of meeting with the Lord. We also often come to Sunday Mass with our cares, difficulties and disappointments... Sometimes everything depresses us, and we leave sad to our "Emmaus", turning our backs on God's plan. In the church the Liturgy of the Word welcomes us: Jesus explains the Scriptures to us and rekindles the flame of faith in our hearts, and in Communion he gives us power. It is worth noting the fact that when the disciples reached Emmaus, Jesus wanted to go further. It was the disciples who encouraged him to stay with them. For us this is a sign that Jesus does not impose himself with his presence, it is we who must invite and accept him.

Disappointments are a normal reaction to a difficult situation in which we found ourselves. Fortunately, this situation will soon end. It is good to realize that **in eternity, there will no longer be an opportunity to worship God in a state of disappointment**. Let's use the chance to thank and worship God when things look bad!

It is worth mentioning here that we can distinguish two types of disappointment and probably both are a necessary step to realize where we are on our path to God.

The first disappointment is a situation in which the situation changes, but not at all as we expected.

Let's read

    Now when John heard in prison about the deeds of the Christ, he sent word by his disciples and said to him, “Are you he who is to come, or shall we look for another?” And Jesus answered them, “Go and tell John what you hear and see: the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them. And blessed is he who takes no offense at me.”

    -- Mt 11:2-6

and optionally:

    When God saw what they did, how they turned from their evil way, God repented of the evil which he had said he would do to them; and he did not do it. But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was angry. And he prayed to the Lord and said, “I pray thee, Lord, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country? That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish; for I knew that thou art a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and repentest of evil. Therefore now, O Lord, take my life from me, I beseech thee, for it is better for me to die than to live.” And the Lord said, “Do you do well to be angry?” Then Jonah went out of the city and sat to the east of the city, and made a booth for himself there. He sat under it in the shade, till he should see what would become of the city. And the Lord God appointed a plant, and made it come up over Jonah, that it might be a shade over his head, to save him from his discomfort. So Jonah was exceedingly glad because of the plant. But when dawn came up the next day, God appointed a worm which attacked the plant, so that it withered. When the sun rose, God appointed a sultry east wind, and the sun beat upon the head of Jonah so that he was faint; and he asked that he might die, and said, “It is better for me to die than to live.” But God said to Jonah, “Do you do well to be angry for the plant?” And he said, “I do well to be angry, angry enough to die.” And the Lord said, “You pity the plant, for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night, and perished in a night. And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?”

    -- Jon 3:10 and 4:1-11

John the Baptist was also deeply disturbed and disappointed with Jesus' behavior. The way Jesus fulfilled the Messiah's mission was far from what John taught when he baptized by the waters of the Jordan. In prison he undergoes a peculiar test of faith, which completely purifies him and brings him even closer to God's heart. Let's remember also that John the Baptist is disappointed simultaneously with the Messiah and his cousin.

Jonah in turn is offended at God because he fulfilled what he announced. Sometimes it happens that deep in our soul we hope that God will do something our way, and not his way.

* How often does disappointment because of one thing obscure all other gifts from God for me?

The second type of disappointment will be disappointment with oneself - what we do is insufficient. This will be a lesson for us to ask the Holy Spirit for help in everything we do on our path of faith.

Let's read a poem by Fr. Jan Twardowski:

    | Do not weep in the letter
    | do not write that fate kicked You
    | there is no situation on earth without a way out
    | **When God closes a door - he opens a window**
    | Take a breath, look
    | They fall from the clouds
    | small great misfortunes necessary for happiness
    | and from ordinary things learn peace
    | **and forget that you are, when you say that you love**
    |
    | -- Fr. Jan Twardowski, "Do not weep in the letter"

* What chance do I see in crisis, in disappointment?

* When was the last time I noticed a window that God opened for me?

Humility in searching and application
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This point is to make us aware of the role of humility in our search for God and allow us to enter well into the next elements of the retreat. The application of this meeting will also be based on the issue of humility. Let's not skip this dependence - humility is a good point for discussion.

* What is humility?

* How often do we confuse humility with self-abasement?

Let's read:

    | O Lord, my heart is not lifted up,
    | my eyes are not raised too high;
    | I do not occupy myself with things
    | too great and too marvelous for me.
    | But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
    | like a child quieted at its mother’s breast;
    | like a child that is quieted is my soul.
    |
    | -- Ps 131:1-2

Humility is acceptance of the truth about oneself. It will be a sincere effort in getting to know oneself and agreeing to what one learns about oneself. Humility can lead us to a very simple statement - as a human being I have limited possibilities, I cannot do everything. This concerns both everyday matters, e.g. artistic abilities, and supernatural ones.

Humility is a difficult matter - some say that humility is such a virtue that evaporates the moment you realize it. This is a very sobering thought.

In God's matters a humble man must recognize that all good comes only from God, and looking at his innate gifts and talents he knows that he received them from God, therefore even if he were very gifted, he will not feel better and humiliate the less able, while not having any special natural gifts he will not despair and envy others, because he knows that if God did not grant them to him, then apparently he does not need them.

The application from the meeting is quite simple, and at the same time significant when it comes to our path to holiness. The first thing we should pay attention to is the fact whether we are ready for the truth. Jonah is a good example for us that even when God fulfills what he said, we will still be dissatisfied because our expectations will not be met.

Let us reflect on those aspects of our life that require knowledge and searching. Let us look for those spheres of our life that we are afraid to know, because what we might discover terrifies us and that we will be disappointed. Let us think about this in the evening and note down our considerations. Let us entrust them to God during the Saturday morning prayer.

Final prayer
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Let's read:

    For thus says the Lord: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me; when you seek me with all your heart.

    -- Jer 29:10-13