Programmatic Document ********************* .. tags:: content|desires|Desires, content|decisions|Decisions, content|maturity|Maturity, content|conversion|Conversion, method|text-work|Text work, type|formative|Formative ================================== Introduction ================================== The author's concept for presenting the topic is burdened with the risk of projecting spiritual experiences onto a specific person, which wounds their individuality and sensitivity. This form should therefore be treated with appropriate reserve and serve only as an aid in seeing the entire program line of the retreat in a coherent form. It can serve as a verifier of individual materials with the global vision. It absolutely cannot serve as any form of retreat evaluation. ===================================== Longing (Friday) ===================================== .. note:: Part "see" I am a person who knows about Christ, knows about the Kerygma, and who even knows about the priority of Love in life. I have quite a lot of knowledge. However, I see that my life is different. In the Holy Scripture, I find a fragment that perfectly describes my state: For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. -- Rom 7:18–25 Yes - I am a carnal man. I do not look like a rebel at the words of faith, rather there is sadness in me that I do not "measure up" to their requirements. **There is a longing in me for a life that would be Full**. Have I fought for such? More than once - sooner or later there is a day like today - I sit down and wonder why others can, and I cannot. ===================================== Escape and Overgrowth (Friday) ===================================== I feel that all this is too difficult for me, that it exceeds my strength and capabilities. I thought recently that evidently it is so, that in the Church there are strong individuals who can touch the stars and those for whom it is inaccessible. Great things are not for me, I should rather think realistically, after all, I will not be a second St. Paul. I admit that sometimes I simply feel like hiding under the quilt and cutting myself off from everything. **I am comfortable with what I have. At least I do not experience disappointments, and I know how painful they are**. When I call it humility, I feel better about it. ===================================== Inspiration (Saturday I) ===================================== .. note:: Part "judge" I read such a fragment recently: I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. -- Rev 3:15-18 I can't stop thinking about it. This word is not directed to one person, but to the whole community. Why does God prefer me to be cold rather than lukewarm? Is being hot really available to everyone? I heard today from several people (whom I know have devoted a very large part of their lives to just one cause) that they had the same doubts as I did. Some of them still have them - I would never have suspected it in my life. **They spoke about their feeling that things are not done by their strength**. They spoke about **courage for a radical transformation of life**. They spoke like people who found their place. I heard from their lips a question about what I want to change with my life. I felt strange - they always asked me on retreats what I want to change in my life, and now we are not focusing on me, but on the world. These people are driven by some idea. They talk about serving others, about finding themselves in it. **What drives me?** Am I ready to devote most of my time to this? Someone talking about people in the Church asked such a question: "Sympathizers or Christians?". **This matter became clear to me - I definitely do not want to be a sympathizer.** ============================================== Perseverance, Fidelity, Zeal (Saturday II) ============================================== An image that I constantly have before my eyes: our animators stood before us and talked about fidelity and perseverance and about their fight for them. **"Fidelity" is currently not a very popular word**. They spoke about different faces of fidelity: fidelity to prayer, fidelity to mystery, fidelity to another person, etc. I was surprised. One part was common in this: fidelity is a decision for readiness to commitment, which is constantly renewed. I constantly think of the Church as a place where requirements are given, and my duty is to try to meet them - with my own strength. When I fail - it is bad. When I succeed - it is good. Today I looked differently - fidelity is cooperation of both sides. **"It is not enough to believe in God, one must be faithful to Him"**. I discovered today that I am afraid of commitments, that I avoid them as much as I can. "Why limit myself with them? Commitments are the domain of adults. It is good as I have it now". However, stories of people who committed themselves to various things and now talk about it from the perspective of time appeal to me. Also in the way they talked about it there was something intriguing, because the most important thing for them is that I find true motivation in myself. Only secondarily do they want me to engage in their proposals immediately - it is so different from what I hear everywhere else. They say that **Christianity is a long-distance run and only such makes sense**. I read today: Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. -- Ps 36:5 The road to being hot, to radical Christianity does not have much in common with the flash of a match. The key is fidelity. God is faithful to his promises and gracious. In a moment I am going to evening prayer, where I am to ask Him for help. **God is not a Great Examiner who wants to check my skills in keeping His Law, but wants to help me as much as He can and waits for my openness**. ============================================== Fulfillment (Sunday) ============================================== .. note:: Part "act" From the very beginning of today, I hear about the road, about the beginning. It is a road that will never end, because it is a goal in itself. **One can be fulfilled already climbing the mountain, and not just being at the top**. One of the best things on this road is to be introducing others to it. I myself can already do it and this is the first task resulting from fidelity to the Gospel. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life. -- Rev 2:10 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. -- Jas 1:12 The Church is a place where I can always and everywhere seek support when I lose motivation. And God is the guarantor that what is before me will not exceed my strength if I am faithful. The animator told me today: "**Do not be afraid to become a New Man**. Whatever stands in your way - it is worth it!". **I do not know exactly what the "crown of life" is, but I want to find out!**